I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I am spending my child support on dildos
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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