One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
