can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
