I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Damn victory sex feels great
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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