I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
