I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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