i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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