Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize