I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
