I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
