Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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