she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
