they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
