turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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