I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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