I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
