can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
