i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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