No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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