dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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