you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
