just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
