there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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