I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
