My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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