I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
