I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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