all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The air was thick with penises
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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