I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
