I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
