I wish I could punch you in the face.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
