don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
