i permit you to call me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
