Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
