i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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