my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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