There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
