Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize