In America we eat man semen.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
