I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
