She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
