I can't watch pbs sober anymore
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My vagina just recognized that song.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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