just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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