I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
