she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
