Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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