I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
