well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
