i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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