I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
