Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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