I cockslap morals
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
