Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
