were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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