I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
