i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
