I'm laying in your front yard are you home
someone get that fucking seahorse.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
