Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
how drunk are you?
Several
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
