every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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