It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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