Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
