Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
