You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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