Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Of course I have a pirate flag
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
