My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize