Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
