I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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