I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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