if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
