Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize