i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
