At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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