literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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