No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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