I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
