genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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