I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
