life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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