Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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